If You Asked Me To
by The Fellow Marauder
Summary: Eiri is confronted with his feelings about Shuuichi and if he really loves him. Deciding that he does not, that is before he spends more time with Shuuichi one morning. Songfic and dedicated to YaoiShoujo!


My darling pharaoh, how I love you so!!!! Anyway, this fic is for my pharaoh, my wonderful, beautiful, brilliant, talented, genki, sugoi, kawaii pharaoh-chan, my Smitty. It's her Christmas present! Yayy! I hope Smitty loves it and everyone else does to!!!! Daisuki da, Smitty-chan!!! ::hugs::

Pair-ups: Shuu/Yuki (original -.-)

Song: "If You Asked Me To" by Celine Dion-san

(BTW: Yuki-san is referred to as Eiri here because of references to Kitazawa-kun)

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Eiri awoke to a sunny apartment. It was a warm summer's morning and even though the sun through the window felt so warm and inviting, Eiri was left with a thin layer of sweat trailing along his body. The dreams were becoming more vivid and the memories more clear. He could not forget about Yuki-san. The more he tried, the more his mind brought him back to that terrifying moments when he had killed him. He could not take these dreams much longer.

There was a springing noise beside him on the bed and Eiri could feel the shifted motion run through the mattress. Lifting his hands from his eyes, he looked over at the person laying in bed with him. Snoring and looking so peaceful lay Shindou-kun. His light pink hair was matted on his face and covered his eyes, but in his sleeping state, he seemed not to notice it. Normally, Eiri would have smiled because his lover was so adorable and it would have clenched his heart, but not that morning. He ignored Shuuichi and felt no pang within his heart towards him. Leaving the bed, he walked into the bathroom. Turning on the water, he stood by the sink and allowed it to simply run; listening to the dropping water seemed to calm his nerves. Finally reaching his hands into the sink, Eiri cupped some of the liquid refreshment in his palms before splashing it on his face. Looking up at the mirror, the image that looked back on him was a scowling one. He was not trying to look hideously mean, and reality he did not, but that was what his mind's eye saw. Everyone around him tried to convince him believe that he loved Shuuichi. But Eiri knew in his heart that he did not. It was not because he did not wish to; he was simply uncapable of loving anyone.

_Used to be that I believed in something_

_Used to be that I believed in love _

_It's been a long time since I had that feeling_

_I could love someone_

_I could trust someone_

After Eiri had done everything he needed to do, he opened the door to the bathroom and stepped outside it. Glancing over at Shuuichi, he saw that he was still asleep. Half of him was relieved that he was so, but a small part of him was disappointed. That small part wanted Shuuichi to be awake so that he could be with him and just look upon his beautiful face. Unfortunately, that small part of him was greatly outnumbered and the feeling was squashed. Letting out a 'hmmph', he turned and left his bedroom all together; but something within him made him stay quiet so he would not wake Shuuichi.

Eiri made his way to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. As he did this, he did not notice that Shuuichi had woken up and had dragged his feet into the kitchen. Or, attempted to. Still being sleepy, his heart had wanted to be close to Eiri while his mind and body still longed to sleep. Eyes half closed, he could not properly see where he was going, so in consequence, he tripped over the two stairs that led through the livingroom from Eiri's bedroom and to the kitchen. Falling to the ground with a loud, _SPLAT!_ he unintentionally caught the attention of his lover. Eiri looked over in the instant he heard the splat. Worry consuming his body, he left behind his breakfast to immediately rush to Shuuichi's side. "Shuuichi!" He cried. Picking up in his arms, he held him to make sure he was alright. He determined that nothing was wrong with the little Bad Luck singer besides the fact he was sleeping. No injuries were noticable. Finding his breath again, Eiri breathed easier. He did not even realize what a strong effect the little guy had on him. Brushing his fingers lightly through Shuuichi's hair, Yuki smiled softly.

_I said that I would never let nobody near my heart again, darling_

_I said I'd never let nobody in_

_But if you asked me to_

_I just might change my mind_

_And let you in my life forever_

Gently picking up Shuuichi, once again subconciously not wanting to awaken him, Eiri lifted him into his arms and brought him back up the stairs and to his couch. There, he gently laid the singer down and placed a spare blanket over him and covering from his feet to his torso. Shuuichi snored, but quietly. Eiri smiled and rubbed his lover's arm unknowingly. His mind was so far off and thinking of other things that he was not even realizing what he was doing to Shuuichi. When he finally did, he was stroking Shuuichi's hair and wanting to kiss him. Pulling away quickly, he jumped up. His whole face burned red with embarassment. _What are you doing?_ he mentally yelled at himself. _Do you want Shindou to wake up and see you kissing him!?_ In a huff, Eiri then placed his hands at his sides stiffly and walked back to the kitchen; back to his food. It was not until he heard mumblings within Shuuichi's sleep that he turned his attention back.

"Eiri..." Shuuichi muttered as he turned over on the couch. "Aishiteru mo... Eiri-kun..."

Eiri blushed.

_If you asked me to_

_I just might give my heart_

_And stay here in your arms forever._

_If you asked me to_

_If you asked me to_

When Eiri finished his breakfast, he placed the dished on the counter near the sink and then went to take a shower-- a cold shower to calm his nerves. He had to stop thinking about Shuuichi so lovingly. Sure, he lived with him and, sure, they occasionally had sex. But that was really no need to get attached to him.

Even as Eiri thought this as he undressed himself for his much-needed relaxing shower, he knew it was bullshit. But he did not let himself know he knew. His mind was like a game of espionage: no one part of him knew about what another part was feeling. They were all rival spies and, in most cases, enemies. That led to some problems here and there, because sometimes Eiri did not even know what was going though his own head.

As he got in the shower, the quietness of his home and the calming sound of the running water came back to him as he drenched his own blond hair and relaxed himself, letting the cool water run rapid over all his aching muscles. The water seemed to rejuvinate him into a new state of a calm and rational being. He felt in control and passive to all the events happening around him and within him. His thoughts were soon brought back to the kawaii singer laying on his couch, no more than 6 yards away. Eiri's heart started to pound as a mental image of Shuuichi came to his mind; one of Shuuichi smiling sweetly at Eiri and looking so unbelivably beautiful. Eiri's heart pounded however much he willed it not to. Shuuichi had a tremendous effect on Eiri-- the gorgeous romance novelist could understand why everyone thought he was in love. He certainly acted it. But, no. No matter how much everyone said he was, he was NOT falling in love. Never again.

But he could not deny, deep within his heart, that Shuuichi had moved in and taken a personal residence in there, just like he had with his home. And even though Eiri tried to fool himself into believing Shuuichi was not welcome... he had the painful knowledge that he would not know what to do if Shuuichi left him.

_Somehow ever since I've been around you _

_Can't go back to bein' on my own_

_Can't help feeling, darling, since I found you _

_That I found my home_

_That I'm finally home_

When Eiri left the shower and got dressed into crisp, clean clothes, he went out into the livingroom with a towel draped over his shoulders and him trying to dry his hair. He did not even notice that Shuuichi was now awake. Eiri's lover and boyfriend was still sleepy, but he could see his way better. Getting up, he wabbled over to Eiri in the kitchen when the novelist pulled out a Budwiser can and snapped it open. When he put it to his lips and started to down the contents, that was when he got a surprise.

"It's ten o' clock in the morning, Eiri-san. You shouldn't drink alcohol this early." Eiri removed the can from his mouth and spit the beer out onto the refridgerator. Narrowing his eyes, he looked over at Shuuichi who looked up at him innocently. In the back of his mind, Eiri was reminded by a tugging thought that Shuuichi was only thinking of Eiri when he gave him that advice, but it still did not stop Eiri from wanting to retaliate. He opened his mouth to snap back at his lover when Shuuichi did not give him the chance. Smiling, he glomped his arms around Eiri, lifted himself up on his toes and then kissed Eiri openly. Eiri froze. When the kiss eneded, Shuuichi slyly and happily looked at his lover and smiled.

"Drink me up instead, Eiri-san." Still immobile, Shuuichi took advantage of the moment to lick his lover's lower lip and kiss him again. Eiri's mind was still misplaced in a state of shock that he did not have any control over what his body did; which was to wrap his arms around Shuuichi, drop his beer can and kiss him back. Heart pounding rapidly in his chest, he felt his body consume itself in pure ecstasy.

_I said that I would never let nobody get too close to me, darling_

_I said I needed, needed to be free_

_But if you asked me to I just might change my mind_

_And let you in my life forever_

After their kiss subsided, Eiri broke away and a thin line of saliva connected the two of them together as one. "Aishiteru." Shuuichi whispered hoarsly. "Aishiteru mo..." With that, he rested his head against Eiri's chest and closed his eyes savoring the touch between the two of them. Eiri wrapped his arms tighter around Shuuichi. He was finally tired of pretending. All his bullsitting to himself and to others, he was tired of it all. He knew what was in his heart and he knew what his feelings and body were telling him about Shuuichi. He was just scared to admit it. He was too scared to get hurt again. As he looked down at Shuuichi, who was swaying slightly back and forth to music within his own mind, he knew that if Shuuichi just asked him to say that he would stay with him; if he just requested that Eiri love him for all eternity and never leave his side for a moment, the he knew he could not deny him that. If Shuuichi asked it, Eiri would give him everything he could that was within his power.

_If you asked me to_

_I just might give my heart_

_And stay in your arms forever_

_If you asked me to_

After Shuuichi pulled away, he looked up at Eiri and Eiri was a little surprised to see that Shuuichi was blushing. Flustered, Shindou was going against everything he wanted and everything his body was crying out for to go get ready to leave for work. "I... I have to go to the studio today." He admitted a bit sheepishly. "I... I should get ready." With that, he made his way to go change when he was pulled back by Eiri. "Nani?" He asked. Eiri pulled Shuuichi against his chest and held him there. "Eiri..." Shuuichi did not know what to do, but he could not deny that he did not like it. Whenever Eiri held him, it was an emotion so strong that Shindou felt his mind want to explode.

"I want you... to stay here." Shuuichi froze. He was not sure he heard his lover correctly. Face flushed, he asked shakily,

"Na... nani?"

"I want you to stay right here." Eiri repeated quietly.

"Demo..." Shuuichi objected despite his body's protest at doing so. "I have to go to work, Eiri. I can't--"

"Not all day." Eiri responded. "Just right now. Stay here. Onegai?" The pleading and open love in Eiri's voice did not allow Shuuichi to object. Shindou smiled a little, feeling his heart leap and dance around in his chest.

"Of course." he repsonded. "Aishiteru, Eiri-san."

"Aishiteru." Eiri responded, making Shuuichi's face burn extremely bright. "Just please stay with me. I will give you everything, Shuuichi-chan."

_I swear to you I will give my world _

_To you, baby_

_I need you now_

_I swear to you I'll do everything for you, baby_

_If you asked me to_

_I'll let you in my life forever _

_If you asked me to_

Eiri was done pretending his feelings for Shuuichi were non-existant or obselite when he knew well that they were not. From that time on, he was going to love Shuuichi openly and express his feelings for him. Or... at least until Shindou did something stupid that would piss Eiri-san off. Which gave him another two minutes of unmasked love. And later, when Shuuichi was nearly an hour late for work and got screamed at by shacho and Fujisaki-kun, none of it phazed him because he knew he had Eiri.

Owari.

Does the end not sound right?? It sounds kinda placid. Gome. I shall try and fix when I not feel so sickly and tired. Merry Christmas, Smitty-chan! You are the reason I wrote this!!! I love you SO much, you _still_ have no idea!!! Hope you liked it!!!!! Please say you did!!! To everyone else, Feliz Navidad!! Oyasumi!!! ::waves and blows kisses but accidentally ends up giving everyone her cold:: GOME!!!!!!!!

Btw: The song goes on longer. For some reason, EVERY song I use in songfics are pop songs and seem to have no end and, if they do, they reiterate everything. This was one of those songs (had both). So the end and two lines in-between were cut out and were not needed. Gome.


End file.
